


DIO COLLECTIVE

by Bon (PlagueButt)



Category: LISA (Video Games), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Nonsense, Other, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7911448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlagueButt/pseuds/Bon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>actually written by my bff Pinch, but they wanted me to post it here. uhhhhhhhhhh yeah.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. DIO BEST FANFIC TONIGHT

dio sat in his living room on the couch. he was always a horney vampire but today felt differnt.....

"mmmhmhmhmhmhmhmh" he said and stroked his chine. he looked out the window  
he saw bugs and SCREAMEOD LOUDLY AND THEY FLY INTO HIS HOUSE

"AAAAAAAAAAAA GO AWAY COCKROACHES"  
he punched one and it died. bu it wasn't a roach but a wasp  
he could hear cryeing from the other ones

"what is this feeling..."

he sniffed the air.  
it was a fine summer day, his loins rose with every pose

"my heart beats for you insests..... but why"

his stiffie stung a wasp

"ooooo... I, DIO KNOW WHAT TO DO" he stuffed as the wasps went into his pants

it was time to get down! get the SUCC.  
dio knew that slathering pudding out the window was a good idea adter all  
(sssshshh dont tell his mom)

"HAHAHAHAHA, I DIO CAN GET SUCCED WITHOUT THE POLICE CARING"  
the door opened tho

"I AM BAYONETTE"  
"isn't it Bayonetta(tm)"  
"this is a secrete mission"  
"not to me"

dio was whipped in the loins and the wapss exploded wit waps blood everywhere. he felt himself crying oceans!!!!

"OFFICER WHY? I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME"

"yeah tell it to the judge" dio was shoved into the police car without further SUCC

he did community service. it was ok

 

THE END?


	2. DIO THE NICE GROCERY SEQUEL TRUE

comminuty service was pretty ok but dio missed his lovers wit wings

he went to the grocery story later  
"i will buy cereal since i'm a good big boy"  
he nodded "to the cerael aisle"

every cereal was out of stocke

"nnOOOOOOOOOOO"

 

not so fast? there is a box left

honey nut cheerios

"honey... nut... my sex life will return" dio sad and added it to his cart  
he began singing wit the intercom

"ITS HIP TO SUCC BEES"  
"it's fuck bees" sais an employee but the employee got killed  
"I, DIO KNOW BETER"

he went to the cashier  
"one honut cheers pleasio"  
"that's 100000000000.1 dollas"

dio had a choice. buy it or respect his dead goldfish's insurance money  
"DEALIO"  
"OK?"  
"I'M DIO"

"cool"  
but then birds took the cereal and leaft

"not cool"  
"YOU TELL ME, DIO" the cashier was punched

 

jerking off to photoshops of his face with wasp tiddy beneath (wihch only exists in hell michigan) was a new hobby

then grary the hot soup stole the tiddy anyway... dio never knew happyness again

 

END


	3. DIO HIP HIP HOORAY GOOD DEALS

dio was laying down for a photoshoot but he felt dead inside.

"these clthes dont make me feel seductive enough. can i schedule for another shoot later"  
"only if we get to shoot you in the dick" said the producer  
dio snapped the producers neck in pieces.  
"i'm going home"

he sulked home  
"man this sucks. time to get drunk and go on ebay but not the michael bay kind of bay"  
he chugged booze and began browsinsg  
angels cried out as he stopped on a page  
"WOW A PAAJAMAS OF WASP"  
it was work 20 dollars plus two toenails. "good thing I still kept three after summer camp"  
so he clickd bid... but someone challenge!!  
"gaha"  
it was CUT MAN!  
"you stop right there" cut man opened skype to taunt dio.  
"ooooh no you dont"  
he reched through the screen and snapped the mean neck.

funeral for cut man at 3 am popped up on the ebay main page

dio smirked and clicked bid again. "nobody can beat me"  
but cut man was dying and called to his best firnend  
"wahwee... avenge me" he shut down  
dr wily cried rivers. he dialed 911 police

dio was posig in triumph. "YAYAYA I WON THE AUCTION! I WILL GET THE WASP CLOTHES"  
but then door opened  
"dio boy you're going to jail" said an officer  
"you fucking cabbages i wait for package from ebsy"  
"did you order us some"  
dio ripped the clothes off the officer an laughed

 

dio went to jail in his wasp pajamas (pleas buy so i can feed myself sausage weiner)

 

END


	4. DIO TENSEFUL SUSPENSEFUL TIME WARNER

jotaro sighed. dio had to be up to something

"I'll open vape and also steam. shit I meant the other way around"  
brad armstrong shook his head and stabbed thorugh his chest. "the real jotaro doesnt vape"  
"shit youre right" said tte fake jotaro fake before turning into a thumbs up. brad's underwear stopped itching

dio watcheed from a distance. "this is UNACCEPTABLE"  
he pulled out a cell phone he didnt upgrade since 2023

RING RING  
"hello its me" asnswered Dr. yado.  
"it's me, dio. do you have a moment"  
"come rub my nipples first"  
dr. yado was found dead 2.2.2 seconds later. gunshot phone wasnt a good investment for him  
"I, DIO, have to stop working for playboy olathe"

 

dio then went to the dmv to benchpress kars  
"you mean cars"  
"fcuk you" and the spine was gone.  
but then the spine became a baby dio

tears down dio's dimpled cheeks  
"kars... i'm a dad now"  
"me too" said jotaro as his thumb became a dolphin. he traded his new lisnece for fatherhood

 

END


	5. DIO CONVENTION FULL STEAM AHEAD

dio had a bad week. his favuorite virtual pet site became a pigsty  
(literally since it was raising pigs)  
all that virtual money for nothing  
"I, DIO... am upsest."

he threw the computer monitor out the window and it hit and killed a pedestrian.  
he then hoped out and investigated the damages.  
the corpse was holding a paper. he took it  
"WHAT'S THIS.."  
it was advertise for a fan convention in colrado. which was colorado but with sunglasses  
could the mighty champ at checkers dio attend?

he pulled out his phone, except smartphone because he, too was a smart son you know that  
the other person took a while to pick up

"hello colrado convention fun day speaking"  
dio recognized the voice...

"wario i thought you went to italy to meet the president"  
"are you ordering or waht"  
"answer my question first please for me this afternoon"  
the fart that wario did to the phone took out the entire us phonelines.  
"what a ripoff"

"did someone say RIP" said nippolyte who came from the nowhere islands two hours ago.  
before dio could speak he continued. "its ok friend. we can make our own better truer convention"  
"WOULD I"

they grilled hot dogs but got sued by the dog that wasn't an igloo.  
at least it didn't rain that day

 

END


	6. DIO HEARTTHROB LAW DRAMA CYCLE

harvey frowned, pacing the courtroom.  
"why is it another vampire. it's always vampries whenever i work" he bemoaned. behind him dio was frowning very loud at nippolyte, who was crying into a microphone. even when pressed with charges he was recording his next tearscore solo album since he still had hope

"your honor," iggy's lawyer, percy monsoon, started.  
"those two men were grilling meat on private property"  
"but did they beat that meat" the judge askeed  
"i already beat mine" percy asnwered, nipples getting hard.  
"good enough"

"shit he's good" dio thought.  
he shook harvey by his fishy not-shoulders.  
"do something you unseasoned tuna"  
harvey nodded and looked to the jury. he saw waluigi picking his nose wiht a laser pointer

iggy however noticed this and threw spiders at him. the lanky purple man ran out screming  
the defense attorney shed a single tear.  
"emotionally i will never be ok."  
his chest heaved but he startled dio and nippolyte when he approached the prosecution

"dog... you want to know what I crave right now?"

iggy was chew on some lint

"what i want right now is a..... HUSH PUPPY"  
the dog was punched into orbit or would have been if he didn't hit the world's strongest ceiling fan ever found in court.

percy shook his head as the building collapsed around him. he knew he should've brushed his teeth before heading out

 

END


	7. DIO SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH FLOWING

"let's go old man. we're done here" dio shook off the rubble off him.  
the no good lawsuit was over but late iggy's shitty suit would live on in his heart.  
surgery wasn't an option right now

dio was going to snap a selfie for a souvenir but screamed at what he saw in the screen.  
"MY LIPSTICK"  
the true disaster that his insurance didnt cover happnened. his lipstick was ruined.  
frantically dio tried to remember where he last bought some from

he turned to nippolyte for help but the old man was gone?

"nipplyote? where"  
"there's a note on my hat"

the note say: "HA! HA! HA! HA! DID YOU KNOW THAT OLD MEN ARE MELTED FOR STICKS LIP? I DARE YOU TO STOP ME"  
"is it a clue" harvey allibastror asked  
the answer finally came to dio and it was so obvious.

"BUZZO"

he point at the broken roof. "I WILL COME FOR YOU YOU DEVIL"  
"that sounds familiar" the fish lawyered. "doesnt he live in colrado"  
"i have the means to get there"  
"your stand?"  
"you stupid baby. watch this"

never before was ever dio proud of winning an ebay auction. still wearig the pajamas of wasp he got in the mail he began channeling its power. then he raise his fists that shone like the blinking light sneakers giorno giovanna like to wear since getting fired

"I, DIO, AM COMING FOR YOU BERNY BAD BOY"

honey rocketed him from his armpits. he was fling!

harvey watched him go.  
"thats that for me i guess ok cool beans"  
he shrugged and took the money from the dead judge before buying fairy kei shoes. he was the coolest kid in law school

 

END


	8. DIO FINAL BOUT FOR FREEDOM

dio woke up in a dark room. he immediotely heard a voice  
"good morning funshine"  
"it's sunshine you mongrel"

dr. wily laughed and his face smeared with makeup.  
"its too late, nippolyte is no more!"  
he threw the makeup on dios lap. dio got reverse stiffie  
"how could you do this...."  
"because i'm now sexier than any man alive"  
"slash man is more arousing" dio remembers that robots personal ad during black friday sales

"well see about that... my oldest enemy"  
dr. wily pull off his own skin... dio gaspd

"BUZZO"  
"you know it baby cakes" buzzo cackled  
he was in full armor unlike his usual outfit!  
"you will never stop my plans"  
"WRRRRRRRRY'LL SEE ABOUT THAT YOU MONSTER"  
he rushed and punched buzzo into a wall.

the wall cracked but so did armor... surprising

"the same... wasp jams..."  
dio's voice trembled  
"did you buy them from..."  
buzzo pulled out his lapmontop.

the same seller was tingle who was funding his toenail collection  
(dio sold him his to him at summer camp)  
the two men were tearirng up. before long they embraced each other

"we can never fight again like this again" buzzo sobbed "i'm sorry"  
"it's ok."  
"is there anything i can do to make it up for you...."  
dio gestured to his junk. "we can start over."  
"LET'S GET DOWN TO IT" buzzo exclaimed.

 

colrado truly saw love like no other on that day.

 

  
END


End file.
